The Art of Shutting Up

​One of my daughters lives in a world of endless hugs. She is giving, affectionate, and kind. Her world right now is sparkles and cupcakes and puppies.

My other daughter is in a different stage. Conversation feels like going into battle.

It’s a constant struggle of warring parties.

The weapons are eye-rolls and loud sighs and endless protests.

The casualties are screen time and ego and hurt feelings.

When you feel as if you’re going into battle, your instinct is to prepare yourself. Brow set, jaw clenched, shoulders up. You have all your words and arguments at the ready.

And then you have to remind yourself…

This is not war, this is family.

What could be taken for ill will is actually a manifestation of emotional overload.

Sure, it’s been thirty years since I was in that stage, but it only takes a moment to remember all of the angst and frustration.

I’m not always able to muster calm, but when I can, I remember the importance of shutting up and listening. Really listening. Complete open-heart-and-mind listening.

I may not solve our problems. Things probably won’t end up the way she’d hoped. But we can at least put down our weapons and make every effort to hear one another.

There’s the saying of knowing when to pick your battles. It’s true. Win some, lose some, so choose the ones worth fighting for.

But there’s also merit in recognizing that if we slow down, if we know when to take a moment to shut up and really listen, they don’t all have to be battles.