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5 Benefits of Realizing You Were an Awful

5 Benefits of Realizing You Were an Awful

​I used to get trapped in a loop of thoughts about all the awful things I’d done. All the things I said. All of the times I approached someone or reacted to them with fear and anger instead of compassion and trust. Or just plain hurt someone for no good reason.

Example: We had friends who had to put down their dog. It was an awful time for them. The dog was young and healthy, but it was also aggressive. After two instances of the dog biting and severely injuring another dog, it was time.

Not long after dealing with this, we saw one half of the couple and I blurted out the fact that we were going to get a puppy. Perhaps not my best timing. I can still see the expression on his face, his features falling in pain as palpable as if I’d cut him with a knife.

Reliving this and a thousand other moments – was this the penance for having been a jerk? Was I doomed to a mental prison of regret over every time I’ve been an asshole?

(And as you’ve probably already guessed, the above example is a mild one. I’ve done far worse.)

But I’ve come to realize that we former assholes are not doomed. In fact, we’re blessed. Because we have these…

5 Benefits of Realizing You Were an Awful Person

 

1) You Grow.

You’d be more of an awful person if you never realized it at all. By acknowledging your own faults, you create the space to change them.

 

2) You Develop Compassion for Others.

When someone else is awful, maybe you see a bit of yourself in them. Maybe you take a moment to consider what they might be going through, and hope that they will someday grow as you have.

 

3) You Develop Compassion for Yourself.

Once you realize that the regrets center around the past (the former you), you permit yourself forgiveness and the permission to move forward.

 

4) You Strive to Be Great.

Now you know who you don’t want to be, so you can make great strides in becoming the person you DO want to be.

 

5) You Live in the Present.

Being aware of past blunders and committing to being the best version of yourself going forward keeps you focused on being that person now. Here. Today. In this moment.

Regrets only serve us if we acknowledge them and learn from them. Dwelling on regrets just keeps them alive and gives them power.

If, like me, you were an awful person, be grateful that the awful you is in the past.

Join The Community!

Join our Facebook GroupJoin the quest for “The Sweet Life.”  Request access to our Facebook Group.  Let’s learn from each other!  GO HERE

Free Audio Book Download

Full Unabridged Audio Book “Vagabonding With Kids” by AK Turner!  GO HERE

Take The SWEET LIFE Assessment

See how you score? Identify your strengths. Discover areas in your life you want to improve. GO HERE.

Giving Back

Amanda and Mike launched an Impact Club in their hometown of Boise, Idaho in 2017, and have had a blast gathering like-minded individuals, families, and organizations to make significant impact in our community, raising over $200,000 locally and over $1.5 million nationally.  

Join Our Next Monthly CHALLENGE

Every month Amanda and Mike pick a month-long challenge that pushes us out of our comfort zone so we can grow, learn, and become better versions of ourselves.  Sometimes we design our own unique challenge and other times we join pre-established challenges. Email us to find out about our next upcoming challenge. Us@BusinessofUs.com

About Us

Our Story | Mike and Amanda TurnerWe are Mike and Amanda Turner, founders of “The Business of Us.” We are fierce advocates of helping entrepreneurial couples and families improve their lives, livelihoods, and legacies… READ MORE

Team Turner

Team Turner

I successfully completed my 5th half-marathon. The other 4 took place years ago and after I finished the 4th, I remember thinking that I would never do it again.

Why subject myself to so much pain?

But yesterday was different. At the finish line I thought, “Yeah, I could do that again.”

The difference was having Mike by my side.

When you run alone, you have mile after mile to psych yourself out. To get caught up in your own head, in all the fears and doubts about who you are, why you’re out there, and what you’re doing.

When you have a partner by your side, there’s no space for self-doubt. Because you’re too busy chatting about the sunrise and how long you can make it before giving in to the restrictions of your bladder and stopping at a port-a-potty.

At every mile marker, Mike and I would throw our hands up in the air and shout the number. During the last three miles, we listened to “Eye of the Tiger” and AC/DC and the Rocky theme. It was silly and fun. No pain, no fear.

Okay, maybe a little pain.

There is so much value in having someone by your side. Your spouse, your friend, your accountability partner. Your team, your tribe, your dog.

In a few days Mike and I will begin a new physical challenge.

I don’t have all the details yet, but it involves terrifying things like kettle bells and sandbags.

The pull-up bar that Mike bolted to the back of our house will be employed.

I’ve been told to identify a “respectable hill.”

Am I scared? Yes. Yes, I am.

It’s going to be crazy hard. But Mike will be right there with me, as well as a team of people from all across the country.

So there’s no time to dwell in fear and self-doubt. I’ve got a hill to find.

Join The Community!

Join our Facebook GroupJoin the quest for “The Sweet Life.”  Request access to our Facebook Group.  Let’s learn from each other!  GO HERE

Free Audio Book Download

Full Unabridged Audio Book “Vagabonding With Kids” by AK Turner!  GO HERE

Take The SWEET LIFE Assessment

See how you score? Identify your strengths. Discover areas in your life you want to improve. GO HERE.

Giving Back

Amanda and Mike launched an Impact Club in their hometown of Boise, Idaho in 2017, and have had a blast gathering like-minded individuals, families, and organizations to make significant impact in our community, raising over $200,000 locally and over $1.5 million nationally.

Join Our Next Monthly CHALLENGE

Every month Amanda and Mike pick a month-long challenge that pushes us out of our comfort zone so we can grow, learn, and become better versions of ourselves.  Sometimes we design our own unique challenge and other times we join pre-established challenges. Email us to find out about our next upcoming challenge. Us@BusinessofUs.com

About Us

Our Story | Mike and Amanda TurnerWe are Mike and Amanda Turner, founders of “The Business of Us.” We are fierce advocates of helping entrepreneurial couples and families improve their lives, livelihoods, and legacies… READ MORE

Talent Craves Dedication

Talent Craves Dedication

​In the last days of my father’s life, I was tasked with writing a few words to be read by my sister at his funeral. This meant sitting down in front of my computer and staring at a blank screen for a few hours. Because what is there to say, so much and not enough, all at once.

My father was best known as the New York Times bestselling author of dozens of books, translated into dozens of languages. Some of his work made it to the screen, like Not Without My Daughter, Midnight Express, and Freefall. He was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.

Anyone at his funeral would know this about him. And I was sure that others would mention these accomplishments, because they certainly merit it.

I wanted to focus on what came before all of that.

I stepped away from the blank screen that faced me and walked by the spines of hardbacks with the name William Hoffer on them. Instead of looking for inspiration in the work he was best known for, I went to the downstairs closet.

I retrieved an old cardboard box that my sister sent me two decades prior. It contains faded newspapers and magazine clippings, a vast body of work of which any writer could be rightfully proud.

Articles for Popular Mechanics and Ladies Home Journal and everything in between. Stories on crime and tech and economics and science. He researched and wrote about New Age religions. There’s even a piece from the 1970s on the wage gap (yes, still timely).

This box of old articles means a lot. It’s a demonstration of that fact that yes, my father was a gifted writer, but he was also extremely dedicated. He worked hard and over a long period of time.

Like any worthwhile endeavor, writing requires practice and dedication. There are no overnight successes. You don’t sign up for your first marathon and expect to win, or decide to take up French and think you’ll be fluent tomorrow.

Of course, I wrote about other things as well, but this is one lesson from him that I prize – the importance of dedication and determination. When I see the “successes” of others, I remind myself of this: while an accomplishment might appear straightforward or the result of luck, I might not be seeing the extent of the work that came before.

I think having a gift or talent is a wonderful thing, but it will never be fully developed unless you’re willing to pair it with dedication and determination.

Join The Community!

Join our Facebook GroupJoin the quest for “The Sweet Life.”  Request access to our Facebook Group.  Let’s learn from each other!  GO HERE

Free Audio Book Download

Full Unabridged Audio Book “Vagabonding With Kids” by AK Turner!  GO HERE

Take The SWEET LIFE Assessment

See how you score? Identify your strengths. Discover areas in your life you want to improve. GO HERE.

Giving Back

Amanda and Mike launched an Impact Club in their hometown of Boise, Idaho in 2017, and have had a blast gathering like-minded individuals, families, and organizations to make significant impact in our community, raising over $200,000 locally and over $1.5 million nationally.  

Join Our Next Monthly CHALLENGE

Every month Amanda and Mike pick a month-long challenge that pushes us out of our comfort zone so we can grow, learn, and become better versions of ourselves.  Sometimes we design our own unique challenge and other times we join pre-established challenges. Email us to find out about our next upcoming challenge. Us@BusinessofUs.com

About Us

Our Story | Mike and Amanda TurnerWe are Mike and Amanda Turner, founders of “The Business of Us.” We are fierce advocates of helping entrepreneurial couples and families improve their lives, livelihoods, and legacies… READ MORE

Live-Aboards

Live-Aboards

​Mike and I once lived on a boat. If you leave the story there, it sounds a bit romantic.

We moved onto the boat because it was cheap and we could no longer afford our apartment. We needed to buckle down and curb our rising debt.

We were young, childless, in college, waiting tables. Three hundred bucks a month sounded great.

The boat wasn’t functional. It’s not as if we spent our days off cruising the California coastline.

The boat didn’t have electricity, but we ran a power cord from the dock to a space heater we kept down below so that we wouldn’t freeze to death.

The boat didn’t have a working sink. The boat didn’t have a toilet

(The boat had a bucket).

When we wanted to use bathroom facilities (beyond that of a bucket), we walked to the public restrooms at the marina.

The boat leaked from all sides. What I mean by that is that rain would seep in from the ceiling and the walls. And since the bilge pump stopped working one night, we stepped into a deep puddle of water on the floor (where we stored our clothes).

Like I said. All sides.

People we knew began to search for delicate ways to tell us that we smelled of mildew.

Our general state of being could be described as damp.

The damp permeated not only our clothes, but our hair, our skin, our pores.

Since then, we’ve stayed on ferryboats. In camper vans, jungle lodges, tents, and questionable hostels.

The boat seems like it was good preparation for our future marriage, a boot camp in adaptability.

Which turns out is a pretty useful skill for married couples. Maybe that should be a prerequisite before marriage; live in a tiny home that leaks for a few months before saying “I do.”

Boat life was a lot of things. It was difficult and unique and survivable; there were even times when, for a moment, it was romantic. (But did I mention the bucket?)

Join The Community!

Join our Facebook GroupJoin the quest for “The Sweet Life.”  Request access to our Facebook Group.  Let’s learn from each other!  GO HERE

Free Audio Book Download

Full Unabridged Audio Book “Vagabonding With Kids” by AK Turner!  GO HERE

Take The SWEET LIFE Assessment

See how you score? Identify your strengths. Discover areas in your life you want to improve. GO HERE.

Giving Back

Amanda and Mike launched an Impact Club in their hometown of Boise, Idaho in 2017, and have had a blast gathering like-minded individuals, families, and organizations to make significant impact in our community, raising over $200,000 locally and over $1.5 million nationally.

Join Our Next Monthly CHALLENGE

Every month Amanda and Mike pick a month-long challenge that pushes us out of our comfort zone so we can grow, learn, and become better versions of ourselves.  Sometimes we design our own unique challenge and other times we join pre-established challenges. Email us to find out about our next upcoming challenge. Us@BusinessofUs.com

About Us

Our Story | Mike and Amanda TurnerWe are Mike and Amanda Turner, founders of “The Business of Us.” We are fierce advocates of helping entrepreneurial couples and families improve their lives, livelihoods, and legacies… READ MORE

I Love My Inner Critic

I Love My Inner Critic

Most of us are very hard on ourselves. We’re wired to focus on our negatives, so congratulating ourselves feels weird.

Yes, there’s a case to be made for not being so hard on ourselves.

It’s fashionable now to throw around the phrase “self-care.”

Though I see a lot of people bastardizing this – they need an excuse for something so they call it “self-care.”

Exercise, reading, rest = good examples of self-care.

Hurting someone out of spite = no, you don’t get to justify that by calling it self-care.

Eating a pound of Skittles while sitting on the couch and letting “reality” television destroy your last remaining brain cells = also not self-care.

While I don’t think it’s good to constantly focus on the negatives, what we didn’t get done, what we could have done better…

I also think there’s VALUE in being our own worst critics. If you can’t be critical of yourself, you take away your ability to identify areas for improvement.

When I admit what I don’t know, I figure out what I need to learn.

I think the key is using criticism to formulate a plan for change.

(Just wallowing in it doesn’t do any good, because you’ll never improve and you’ll be a miserable bastard.)

But listening to criticism and genuinely trying to understand it is a huge gift. Our inner critic isn’t something that needs to be constantly battled or silenced. I’d argue that our inner critic is actually one of our greatest allies.

Praise feels great. But if we’re not also willing to be honest with ourselves about our own shortcomings, we might as well turn on The Bachelorette and pass the Skittles.

Join The Community!

Join our Facebook GroupJoin the quest for “The Sweet Life.”  Request access to our Facebook Group.  Let’s learn from each other!  GO HERE

Free Audio Book Download

Full Unabridged Audio Book “Vagabonding With Kids” by AK Turner!  GO HERE

Take The SWEET LIFE Assessment

See how you score? Identify your strengths. Discover areas in your life you want to improve. GO HERE.

Giving Back

Amanda and Mike launched an Impact Club in their hometown of Boise, Idaho in 2017, and have had a blast gathering like-minded individuals, families, and organizations to make significant impact in our community, raising over $200,000 locally and over $1.5 million nationally.

Join Our Next Monthly CHALLENGE

Every month Amanda and Mike pick a month-long challenge that pushes us out of our comfort zone so we can grow, learn, and become better versions of ourselves.  Sometimes we design our own unique challenge and other times we join pre-established challenges. Email us to find out about our next upcoming challenge. Us@BusinessofUs.com

About Us

Our Story | Mike and Amanda TurnerWe are Mike and Amanda Turner, founders of “The Business of Us.” We are fierce advocates of helping entrepreneurial couples and families improve their lives, livelihoods, and legacies… READ MORE

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